An unscheduled meeting with earth

Flabbergasted. That is what I am when I think about how amazing God made our feet. Have you noticed recently, or ever, how hard the earth is? Not everywhere, but mostly. Very hard. And our feet don’t really mind. Small in comparison to the rest of our bodies and somehow carries all that concentrated weight while obligingly treading on this hard surface. Seemingly undeterred.

Why am I marvelling about such a peculiar thing you may ask yourself? Well, it really hit me, so to speak, when I came face to face with an unscheduled meeting with earth. Yesterday morning. On my way to work.

I have all these keys see. It’s quite annoying really. There’s a key to lock my front door, another key to lock the door to the foyer and yet another key to lock the gate. I mean, this is just to get in and out of my home. Every time a three-lock ordeal. 

So on my way to work – I had locked the front door and was going down the stairs in the foyer, ready to do lock number 2, when, for no apparent reason, my lanyard decided to retire. I guess for most people this doesn’t come as a shock as, in my own experience, lanyards don’t last very long. But this wasn’t just any lanyard, no. This was my Jack Daniels Night of the Stars 2006 lanyard (freebie at some JD event) that I’ve had for, well, three years plus, not because of the brand, but because of its durability which was clearly superior amongst its kind. So I guess, in JD’s defence, I can’t really call it an early retirement, but it sure was unexpected.

The significance of JD’s abdication meant the keys had dropped to the floor on the edge of a step at the precise spot where my foot had intended to momentarily rest in its hastened stride, as the office hours depicted that I was already going to be late, after my foot had already made its descend, milliseconds before its arrival at the projected mark. 

A classic fall. Totally unpredicted and catching me unawares. I was so baffled by its occurrence as usually I tend to be able to hold my balance having anticipated its onset, but with JD’s very astonishing final performance, I had no idea what happened, until after it happened. My shoes went flying as I slid, feet in the air, bag airborne and confused to the core, limbs ungraciously searching for leverage, eventually landing spread-eagled like a sacrifice at the bottom of the stairs. 

It was the sore kind of fall. Not the funny kind. No one laughed. Well, I was alone, but even so. I allowed a few minutes to pass while I tried to recalculate. A banana, which I was going to enjoy at 10:30am, right in the middle of brekkie and lunch because I don’t like to starve, had escaped from my bag and was sitting at eyelevel on a step behind me. A conspicuous position considering the circumstances, the banana being the obvious culprit for onslaughts of this nature, but it was still in perfect shape; not squashed. Well imagine my disappointed as I then discovered JD’s betrayal. The end of a three-year plus friendship. 

So all I’m left with is a tiny bruise of which I am nonetheless very proud, the lack of a working lanyard, and this blog. Hopefully by the time you see me, if you’re in the neighbourhood, you can still admire my bruise and by all means, if you discover a lanyard that is not in your own employ, that is a sturdy one, with an acceptable brand, please give it to me and I will be forever grateful. Or at least for the length of its life. 

And yes, you can laugh now.