friday rambling

At some point during the week I had something to say and I remember thinking that I'll say it on Friday and call it, "I have something to say" and now it is Friday and I cannot remember what I have to say.  It would've been very helpful to society at large as usual, but I'm pretty sure there's more where that came from.  Sometimes I think there must be a wealth of information and just knowledge and wisdom emanating from within me.  Probably most of this happens while I'm asleep.  And then there's google for when I'm not sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping, I nearly fell asleep on the treadmill the other morning when I was up at a rough hour trying to force my way into this healthy habit.  You can hold on to the handle bars and close your eyes and concentrate on keeping your balance, and then slightly doze off.  It is entirely possible.  I did this for a few minutes on the treadmill, while walking uphill, and I could just feel my consciousness slipping away.  It was kind of exciting.  You know, if comfort and relaxation excites you.  (One of my hobbies - relaxing.  Also - eating.)  Some may even say that I'm an expert at sleeping, or being comfortable.  

As a child I was convinced that I never slept.  I couldn't comprehend the idea of sleeping.  I couldn't remember falling asleep and/or waking up, so I just figured that I actually did not sleep at all.  Makes sense right?  Think about it.

Anyway, one of my latent missions in life has always been to study this whole sleeping thing and how it is that I get to sleep but I'm not really aware of it.  So for years I've been consciously focused when I go to bed and tried to record the whole falling asleep occurrence so as to understand the phenomenon.  And I think I've succeeded.  

There's a moment, it creeps up on you, and in that moment, your thoughts are scrambled.  The thing about this is that you don't know that they are scrambled, they seem normal - much like what happens when you're dreaming.  And then I know, when I start going to that weird thoughts place, that this is the moment that I'm Falling Asleep.  Sometimes after the moment, I surface a little and then think about what I just thought, and then I know, "oh, this is me falling asleep, it's not that I really want to fly to the ATM to deposit some bacon and eggs on ice cream with a side of fluffy carpet otherwise I'll be late for the race, that I'm MCing at, and competing in, at the same time, and boy,  that cheese curl is HUGE, and, why is this ATM growling at me?  This must be a dream, another nightmare, reminding me that I don't have wings, life is cruel.  Wake up.  Wake up!"  

And then the giant cheese curl floated behind me like an impending helicopter with a machine gun shooting aero bubbles in the windscreen of my batmobilebike, made of windscreen wipers and recycled cellphones, in jelly, wobbling its way forward to the cliff where there is no escape, but I grow fish-scale-wings at the last minute and take  to flight in a regrettably sharp and upward direction going way too high way too fast and I have to turn around to save my friend that doesn't look like my friend at all who is now also falling from the sky, a sky made of yellow jelly (jelly is a regular theme for me), and I do so by diving downwards like a stray rocket forgetting why I'm here and wondering who these people are, where am I, what year is it, is this earth, what is the meaning of life, is this my room, how old am I, am I someone's mother, are the kids safe, are they old enough to make me a salad, where's my dog, I wanted a dog, somebody let my dog in?

My dreams either end with the no-wings thing or the no-dog thing.

Waking up is a scary place for me.  

In other news, I'm kind of hungry now - one of my favourite hobbies, I eat probably at least every day, sometimes three or four times, a day! So I'll catch you later.  Good luck with your vapour.

The end is a buttersafe comic.  Correction - Life is a buttersafe comic.